When parents make out.

I remember the first time I saw a husband affectionately kiss his wife as he held her by her butt and pressed her against him. 

I was 18 and I was at my then, boyfriend’s house. It was his parents, in the kitchen, who were having an intimate moment right by the dishwasher and cookie jar. It was to them, the most normal thing in the world. 

Jacob didn’t seem to care. Bella barely even noticed as she walked by to grab something out of the pantry. Aaron and Shaun couldn’t care less what as happening in the kitchen--they were watching something on Netflix. 

Everyone went about their way, while Norma and Bryan had a moment to themselves in the most popular place in the house. 

Everyone, but me. 

I couldn’t help but stare. I had a billion things going through my mind.

Is this why Jacob is so affectionate to me?

Is this good for the kids to see?

Do they not care about privacy?

And then finally,

Is this what’s supposed to happen when a married couple loves each other?

This week in class, we discussed family cultures; the norms and attitudes that a family unit abides by. This culture can define the way the family talks, interacts and even loves each other.

Growing up, I very rarely saw my parents be affectionate in public. I very rarely saw them be affectionate in front of us, their children!

Perhaps it’s the Hispanic culture, that in an effort to prevent the unveiling of the sexual and the “carnal” world to their children, they suppress showing any of these natural affections in the house. We’re left to accept what happens in movies and TV as something that only occurs in movies and TV. 

Now that I’ve laid out my background. you could imagine my shock and awe when I saw Jacob’s parents kissing and touching each other in the kitchen on a Thursday evening. It was the most amazing and uncomfortable thing in the world. Bryan loved his wife. They were in the privacy of their own home. Those who could see were their children. And the only message that was being sent was: “Children, I love your mother.” Their audience was none other than the fruits of their love--their children. 

Although my parents did show affection to their children, the lack of affection they had towards each other frustrated me. I remember being a young child and seeing the first time my parents gave each other a peck on the lips. 

It was my mom’s birthday, and as was tradition, we would all gather on the Sunday evening of the person’s birthday to have a mini family devotional for their honor. We would play family games guessing the “guest of honor’s” favorite food, color and sport. After “getting to know them” over the year that just passed, everyone has a turn in telling the celebrated person what they love most about them.

I was four or 5 years old. I remember my dad just told my mom what he loved most about her and we cheered, “Kiss her! Kiss her!”

I remember for the years following, we always did the same thing. We would cheer my parents on to kiss in front of us if we warranted it was a special opportunity. 

I was 13 when I realized my parents shouldn’t just kiss during special opportunities, nor should they feel pressured to do it because their children are the ones encouraging it. I wanted to see them be affectionate in random moments of the day. I often felt like if they kissed or touched in front of their kids, it would mean that they would always be happy and stay together. 

I’m blessed to have parents who remain married today. I hesitate to say that they’re “happily married,” since they argue a lot still and aren’t publicly affectionate, but I trust that they demonstrate their love to each other in ways that are unique to them. 

Seeing Bryan and Norma have their moment, so many years ago, I’ve come to appreciate the culture and world that they’ve created for their children. 

I never want my children to wonder if Jacob and I love each other. I want my children to see me kiss Jacob. I want my children to see Jacob kindly and tenderly touch me. I want them to know that their mom and dad love each other and express that love in their home. 

My family culture will include open affection and love.

I believe that a family culture that expresses love, is a family that will freely give it and accepts it. 

That’s what I want in my family.