Believe it or not, I feel like this blog post is probably more personal than the rest. I’m excited to talk about me, my ambitions and my career.
How does this connect with family? Well, I had a conversation with Jacob last night about his role as a future father--no, I’m not pregnant--and what it is that we expect from each other as we soon will be graduating and will be beginning careers.
Since we didn’t go to Reno to see family this Thanksgiving, we had our opportunity to do our own thing and spend time together without the expenses of travel and the loss of sleep in driving the 9+ hours.
We spent our Thanksgiving with friends and getting to know others who are alone without family. It was wonderful to see the way we would enjoy this family-focused holiday in the comfort of close friends. I felt blessed to be satisfied with what I had with me--my husband and good company.
On our drive home from our Thanksgiving with friends, I felt impressed to talk about our future. More specifically, what he expected of ME for our future.
We’ve recently begun to talk about plans and “roles” as we approach graduation in a few weeks.
Jacob will be starting a master’s program in August 2021. During this two-year program, he won’t be able to hold a job since it’s a full-time commitment to be in the program. Knowing this, I feel blessed that I could support us financially for the time he won’t be able to. I feel like things couldn’t have worked out better for us in the timing of our graduation together.
However, the pressure to have to support us stresses me out. I can’t help but think of the way husbands and fathers must feel when this duty is something that they are born with.
That being said, during our drive home, we talked about our expectations for one another and what our roles in the long-run are going to be.
“I can’t help but feel like my duty as the provider, while you’re in school, might prolong even after you’re done with school. Are we expecting to have two income?” I asked.
Depending on my audience, this may sound like a silly question. Some are passionate about having two-income. I mean, more money, right? We live in the 21 century where it’s never been easier for a woman to go to work and have a career at the same time. We also live in a time where gender roles have become so “personal and specific” to the couple that it’s rude to assume which parent will do what.
I get that.
But there’s also something comforting about the traditional way of gender-specific roles. It’s the nature of women to love their children and be with them. It’s our nature to want to create a safe haven for our families. Although the pressure is high for both parties--the men in a career and the woman at home--it’s in our divine nature to have these gender responsibilities.
Gender roles may change, but the responsibilities will always underlie.
And so, back to the conversation I had with Jacob in the car, we talked about what was expected of me after I supported him during the two years of a master’s.
I loved his answer:
“Esther, I will be forever grateful for what you will do in putting me through school. But, I’m grateful for my parent’s example and for what my mom did for me when I was growing up. You’re not obligated to do anything but, I know you. When kids enter the picture, your mom career can start. You can continue your other career after they start to grow. Don’t worry, baby. I got us.”
I’m so grateful for the Gospel of Jesus Christ. It helps us know who we are what we are. I’m grateful for the good man that I’ve married who feels and hears this divine calling to clearly. He knows and respects my desire to start a professional career, but he also knows that I will have to change careers when children enter the picture. I’m grateful that I will have a degree and grateful that I can contribute to our family when we need it.
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