My dad is handicapped. It’s not that this made up his entire life nor has this been the way that I’ve always seen him--but he is handicapped.
He does walk and is mobile now, but for a long time, during my growing up years and especially during my formative years, he wasn’t able to do what a lot of my friends’ dads did.
Rudy’s role as a mini dad has remained over the years. So much, in fact, that previous to my engagement, my fiancé asked my dad AND Rudy for my hand in marriage. Out of respect and love for Rudy, we recognized his position in our family.
I ended up having a mini dad.
No-- my mom didn’t get divorced, have an affair, or remarry. My mini dad became my older brother.
My brother had always been, and still is, an individual who stepped up as a mini father as he saw the demand for it after my dad’s automobile accident left him incapacitated.
Being the oldest, Rudy had always cared for our family. He also always understood his role as the older brother. But as circumstances changed--my dad’s two broken femurs, a head injury and numerous fractures throughout his body--the demand to be a mini dad had never been greater. Rudy realized that he needed to be the man of the house, a support to my mom, and an example of obedience, strength, and diligence.
Rudy’s role as a mini dad has remained over the years. So much in fact, that previous to my engagement, my fiancé asked my dad AND Rudy for my hand in marriage. Out of respect and love for Rudy, we recognized his position in our family.
Although Rudy has a wife and family of his own, he remains an example to the Garcia children of stepping up to responsibility, putting family first, and being what others need. He still weighs in on a lot of family issues, discussions, and decisions.
It’s interesting that even though he has his own family and his own life, his life is still intertwined with all of the seven Garcia children who are grown--much like a father.
The Systems Theory in the study of Family Therapy, Psychology, and Social Work, explains that the family is a system that works as a whole. It’s an emotional unit that functions with moving systems that contribute to the whole.
There are instances in which parts of the whole are missing. In those instances, we feel a desire to patch the whole; fix the problem.
As I heard this in class, I couldn’t help but realize that’s exactly what happened in my family. My dad wasn’t able to be a dad, fill that role, and be the role for a prolonged period of time. There was a whole to be filled. Rudy patched it.
It’s amazing the way the family system work. Sometimes, we function subconsciously to it. I’m sure Rudy didn’t realize that he was being a mini dad. It was an instinct to protect, guide, and support his siblings. Unknowingly, he became a mini dad.
I can’t help but think of my future children. I can’t help but think of the examples and the people who will be in their life and have a strong influence. I can’t help but think of the people who’s influence will be so great on them, that when holes occur, they will be the patches to cover those holes.
I also can’t help but think of myself and my husband. Are we being contributors to the good in someone’s family unit? Are we striving to be individuals who are honest, true, chaste, benevolent, and do good to all men? If we're needed to be a patch in someone's system, are we to be worthy and an influence for good?
I hope we are.
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